One Word

Have you ever been talking to someone or thinking about something or listening in on other peoples' conversations (no? that's just me??) and a specific word or phrase instantly turns you into the next American Idol? I know you know what I'm talking about. That one word that triggers a chorus line from a song you love ... or hate ... and you can't help but start singing.

For instance the word 

has the amazing ability of summoning the musical talents of 

THE SUPREMES

(STOP in the name of love ...)

MC HAMMER

 (STOP it's hammer time ...)

And of course who can forget

VANILLA ICE 

(STOP collaborate and listen ...)

This morning I had one of the moments and it reminded me of a classroom classic that I almost completely forgot about. Since it's summer and I don't seem to have much to do nor do I want to do much I decided to take the time and share. 

One blissful day (haha yeah right) my kiddos were just getting on my nerves. You'd think after 100+ days they would have figured out the whole "rules" system. But alas, the shouting out continued, the tattling went on, the "what am I supposed to do?" was still asked. During carpet time, I finally stopped and gave them a piece of my mind ... which they never seemed to take. At one point I told them that their choices were making me mad. Before I could continue, from the back of the room I hear in a soft yet audible voice .... "m-m-m-m-m-m-mad mad mad"

As a teacher, sometimes you just can't stay m-m-m-m-m-m-mad mad mad in moments like that. I ended up laughing and moving on with whatever it was that we were doing that day. Now every time I hear that song I think of that musical moment where one word triggered a singing sensation that transformed a mad teacher into a not so mad teacher. Thank you Muse for your inspired lyrics! 

Kids really DO say the darndest things

Bill Cosby had the right idea .... I should have started my own television show. 

It would have worked out great. It would air weekly and I most likely wouldn't be in charge of making sure it happened. Clearly I fail at follow through with this blog. But alas, I am pretty sure I didn't even want to be a teacher when this show came out. Yet here I am. A teacher. With quotes from kids. Because kids really DO say the darndest things. Here are just a few gems from the past school year. Since we are already on a t.v. show inspired post, I shall present these delightful tidbits in a Letterman TOP 10 inspired fashion. 

10. I often tell my kids to knock of their shenanigans. It's a lot nicer than what I want to say sometimes. One day a kid was goofing off and before I could exclaim my annoyance another kid shouted on my behalf  "HEY - knock off your mannequins!"


9. On our way back from bathroom break, I over hear a kid say "My sh** smells great!" Well we don't use those words at school so I respond with a shocking "WHAT?!" The kid replies "My sh**." He grabs his shirt and smells it. "It smells great!" Between bouts of laughter I politely correct him "Your shirt smells great."

8. When spring break is around the corner, everyone gets a little antsy and some things that normal wouldn't bother me just do. After asking a certain student to stop talking multiple times I finally ask "Why do I still hear you talking?" Clearly he didn't get the point and tries to keep talking. I tell him that I don't want to hear him right now and that he will have to tell me later. Since I wasn't a listening ear and he was going to say something anyways he just shouts "Well I want to be a flying squirrel." The kid next to him chimes in with "OH! OH! I want to be a reticulated python." How do you respond to that? Well here's how I responded - "Great! Well guess what? Neither one of those talk - ready, go!" Needless to say it was a very quiet week before spring break. 

7. The difference between men and women from the eyes of a first grader. At this point in the year the weather was in transition so it was still a bit chilly in the morning but sweltering in the afternoon. After school I asked a student why he was still wearing his jacket and if he was hot?  And action -  Kid: "Yes but I don't mind sweating." Me: "Really? I don't like to sweat that much." Kid: Ms. D ... I'm a man and you're a woman. Men sweat a lot. That's how you know they are a man." And to think, I've been looking for other qualifiers this whole time. 

6. My kiddos had a word list packet that they had to read off to me in order to move on to the next list of words. When I had check off time, they would make a line to pass off their word list. One day (due to some unforeseen chaos) I wasn't able to get to very many of them. I informed them that I was done checking lists and it was time to clean up. A student who, as I like to imagine but I'm sure is not accurate, was so engrossed in his reading didn't notice the line before says, "That's a long line." Without hesitation a student sitting in the line jumps up and responds with "Yeah a long line of disappointment."

5. One morning a student walks in late with a green, paper mustache taped to his face. I acknowledge his nice mustache and the student kindly thanks me for noticing. Just because I had to see where this could lead I asked him if he grew it over night. He responded by informing me that it was just a fake one and pulled it off to confirm his point. I respectfully let him know that he had me fooled but also told him he would need to keep it off and store it in his backpack. His response "You're a silly goose. You thought this was real." Yes child I thought your green paper mustache was the real McCoy.

4. During a lesson on fire safety the counselor asked "If there is a fire, what number do you call?" The class shouted with gusto "9-1-1!" One kiddo quickly pointed out that that's for the number for the police. The counselor confirmed but also explained that it is actually the number you call for any emergency. Before he could complete his thought another kid proclaimed "Or if you see a peeping tom."

3. A prime example of the when the student becomes the teacher. Kid - "I'm done with breakfast." Me - (noticing the unopened milk about to be tossed) "Are you going to drink your milk?" Kid - "no." Me - "Can I have it?" Kid - "Well you can at least say please." Me - "you're right. May I please have your milk?" Kid - "That sounds better. Yes." 

2. One day I did a cartwheel for my kids as part of a reward system (it's amazing what these kids will do for some of the silliest things). When I finished, I made the comment that I was getting old and that was a lot easier when I was younger. This conversation occurred: Kid1 - "Ms. Darlington are you ok?" Me - "I'm fine thanks. Just getting old." Kid2 - "Are you going to die?" Me - "Not today." Kid2 - "Tomorrow?" Me - "I hope not." Kid2 - "the next day?" Me - "do you want me to die?" Kid2 - "no." Kid3 - "Ms. D is alive - Hooray!!!" Kid4 - "when was she not alive?" Kid3 - "you're alive right Ms. D?" Me - "yes, yes I am."

AND DRUM ROLL PLEASE ... BRRRRRBRRRRBBRRRRRBRRRRRRRR (it's the best I could do alright. If you require an Actual drum roll, <-- click there). By far the most awkward moment in the classroom ....

1. We were practicing counting by 2s. As a teacher, I understand that sometimes abstract ideas need to be made concrete. So I had the kids touch their ears, shoulders, hips, knees, and feet as they counted. We discussed that we all have 2 of each. Then a kids stands up, walks over, and points to my breasts and says "you have two of those" ... yes ... yes I do. Thanks for pointing out my womanly features you weirdo!

180 Days Around the Sun

What can be done in 180 days around the world? Let me tell you. 180 days seems like an eternity when I am living each one with 20 little people who can't tie their own shoes or button their own pants or think "hanitizer" (hand sanitizer) is an acceptable alternative to washing their hands after the using the bathroom. But then the last day comes and it seems like yesterday they came in as scared little post-kinders. Through the good and the bad, the happy and the sad (is there a song out there with those lyrics?? If not - DIBS!) each one becomes a part of who I am and I hope I have become a part of who they are.

Every year I read them a good-bye poem ... and cry ... this year was no different for me. My kiddos even joined in this time. Some openly crying, some quietly shedding a tear, some being "manly" and holding it back and ... well, some laughing because their teacher was crying (can't win them all). However what made this year a little different (and a little more special) was that I shared the fact that I wouldn't be returning next year to watch them grow and become amazing 2nd graders, 3rd graders, and so on. This caused more drainage of the eyes and a stampede towards the tissue boxes. As my kiddos showered me with hugs and compliments, I'll miss yous and don't leaves, I clearly saw the bond that we created that only we can measure with our time and experiences together. 

It was that moment that I also realized that all the testing, data reports, grades, and other paperwork don't accurately reflect the achievements made in the past year of me and MY kids. I've seen them stubble, fall, regress, and struggle but most of all I have seen them find success. I've seen them conquer the seemingly impossible in their eyes and accomplish their goals. I've seen them shout for joy when completing a task and exclaim "I did it Ms. D. I did it all by myself!" Kids who couldn't read are now reading. Kids who couldn't write are now writing. Kids who once thought they were worth nothing now see how much they are truly worth. That's what 180 days can do.

One quoteable moment happened when the school counselor was giving the stranger danger talk.  He asked "Is your teacher a stranger?" The class responds "No!" while one kid, who looks at our daily count chart, states, "Well we've know her for 138 days. It was a little weird on day one having a stranger for a teacher but she's not now. We like her." 42 days later here are a few of the compliments I received. 

This is probably my favorite sketch .... the hair is simply amazing and I'm still trying to decide if the Ninjago kid has an extra large sleeve or is wearing a cape. 

These are technically not a note but they are beautiful! (And I can now say a boy gave me flowers.)

It was a great year with many memories, funny moments, good laughs, and lots of learning.

What Once Was Lost ...

Is now found!! 

At one point in my life I had zero e-mail accounts. I suppose anyone over the age of 15 can say the same. None the less, with a burst of internet excitement, I somehow ended up with more email accounts  than anyone could really need. As luck would have it, I lost the password to the account I used to create  this blog. AND it only took me a year to recover it! I am that good. Hackers don't have anything on me.  

Well now that I am back in action, I have 9 months of classroom history to relive. Some enjoyable ... others I'd rather forget. But I have Mark Zuckerberg to thank and grovel to for not letting those precious moments slip away. In the near future, you can check back in to relive those moments ... maybe with more detail (if I can dust off the ol' memory bank). But I could never just post without a little something to haunt your dreams. Heaven knows mine are haunted and misery loves company. So come on over and join me in my torture ... er ... teaching delights. 

Today's momentous moment:
It's Friday - the end of a long week of no internet, no air, no subs, and eventually no sanity. I was just hoping to get through the day without any major crisis. But my kiddos do NOT disappoint. Where chaos is lacking, they are there to provide! Alas, we are sitting on the carpet reviewing math ... or reading ... I don't even know anymore ... just something educational and relevant to schooling. After reviewing and explaining I ask for questions. And here is the next conversation ...

Me: Yes student (I can't use their names and I'm too tired to  generate a pseudonym)
Kid: Do cats lick their hands?
Me: They don't have hands. They have paws.
Kid: Ok - do they lick their paws?
Me: Yes. 
Kid: (starts licking his hands)
Me: Umm - what are you doing?
Kid: I'm a cat. I'm licking my paws.

Next thing I know several kids have decided they are cats and are now licking their hands. What a germophobic nightmare!! That's the moment I tipped my hat and said yet another goodbye to a normal day. 

Total Recall ... or lack thereof

Wow ... I hadn't realized how much time had passed since the last post. I guess things got a little crazy ... hmmm. Oh well. Now is as good a time as any to get caught up.

Apparently the last big shebang that occurred was the debate over why Hello Kitty lacked a mouth (which I must say has become a silence breaker for me in recent awkward moments). Now that Summer vacation in 4 weeks in it is a bit rough to remember some of the "good times" that have taken place. So this post will be a pathetic attempt to recall yet another school year that has come and gone.

Ok ... after several minutes of deep contemplation I can't seem to remember much from the months of February, March, April, or May. But following are a few moments that come to mind that either made me chuckle, made me insane, or made me question my career (most of the time it's all three).

Moment 1: I had a little girl who would constantly make sure she was sitting right by my feet during carpet time. Why? So she could rub the tops of my feet. Disturbing? YES!! I tried the tender approach of asking her multiple times to stop. When she didn't, I moved her as far away as possible. But, like the cat who came back (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=th_KV1XVYFU .... check this out if you didn't catch my reference), she ALWAYS found her way back to my feet and would rub them. Truly one can only handle that so much before they lose it!! So I snapped on her and asked why she continues to rub my feet after I have asked her to stop. She just stared back and me and said "It's my hobby!" ... wonderful. I mean I guess she's thinking outside of the box.

Moment 2: Speaking of boxes that brings me to this next gem. Towards the end of the year I always do a writing/science piece based around rocks. Each student is given a rock (yes a real one BUT with each rock comes great responsibility). They are to name the rock and write a story about their pet rock using what they learned during science, their 5 senses (minus tasting ... so 4 senses), and any thing else that is pertinent to the topic. The kiddos really get into rocks after this activity (which is why I ONLY do it at the end of the year). They bring me rocks on a daily basis and love adding to the collection. Well a few boys took it to a whole new level. I go to pick up my kids at from P.E. The teacher asks me to come see what he found. Looking at the group of boys at the end I knew it could be ANYTHING ... ANYTHING! They are known for their unique abilities to accomplish the unthinkable. The P.E. teacher asks the boys to empty their pockets. They stare at him but do nothing. He says "NOW!" so they start pulling handfuls of rocks from their pockets. They practically had a rock quarry at their feet!! When I asked them why they told me they thought the rocks were cool and wanted to add them to the collection. For the remainder of the year I had to perform a daily rock pocket check before entering the building.

Moment 3: If there's one thing I can't handle in the classroom it's throw up. I stress all stinkin year that if you think you are going to throw up just GO TO THE TRASH CAN. You don't have to ask or anything. But how does they year always go. Don't ask for anything EXCEPT for where to go when you need to throw up. So one day I had a kid who was looking a little pale and kept complaining about his tummy. I sent him to the nurse but he returned about a half hour later. He still looked awful! I asked if he was going home and he said the nurse told him he needed to go back to class but that he still felt like he needed to throw up. I told him to go sit by the trash and take it easy. As he turns to head to the trash can it just all came out!! Everything he ate for breakfast (you know dairy products, cheese, cereal ... everything). It was all over the door and walkway (mind you the only entrance and exit to my humble little abode), a few backpacks, the chair next to the trash can BUT not a drop in the trash can. Of course I need to send him back out threw it which then makes all the kids start to scream and make fake vomit noises. All of this just minutes before it was time to leave for specials. So I had to orchestrate an escape route through the vomit. I pretty sure I would qualify for some sort of military route diversion team after that!!

Well that's all for now ... it is summer break after all :)

I'll pick up the blog again when the 2012-2013 school year begins!!

Hello Kitty and Whoppi

If you don't know who this bow-adorned feline is then you clearly have not been in my classroom. There are days that I feel like if I see another Hello Kitty t-shirt, necklace, stencil, pencil, keychain, lunchbox, figure, or the like I'll slit my wrists with a Hello Kitty ruler (mostly because it would be the sharpest thing I could find in my room). Yeah - she's cute and I'm sure totally cuddly but not really my thing. With that said, I have never paid close attention to the details of this cat. Today, it was brought to my attention that she has no mouth. One would think that the mouth is a pretty key feature to the face how could I have not noticed before. I think it's kind of like the fact that Whoppi Goldberg has no eyebrows.

If you didn't notice before you will now EVERY time you see her. It's just one of those things you would think you would notice but don't. Well let me tell you how I learned about the missing Hello Kitty mouth. This is a true story. Like I said before, I just can't make this stuff up. So I'm testing and the kiddos are enjoying free friday activities. One student is using a Hello Kitty stencil to clone this cat about 50 times over.

Kid#1: Hey - why doesn't Hello Kitty have a mouth? (a question we now all want to know the answer to)

Kid#2: Because it wasn't on the stencil. (Their logic blows my mind)

Kid#1: Well how can she meow? (Another excellent question)

Kid#3: It's a girl .... and a cat. (That answers it ... ???)

Kid#1: What? Cats meow. That doesn't make sense. I asked why she didn't have a mouth.

Kid#3: She had cancer.

Kid#2: No she didn't.

Kid#1: How does that mean she doesn't have a mouth.

Kid#3: It was mouth cancer. When the doctors took away the cancer they took away her mouth.

Kid#1: That's dumb!

Kids ... the very foundation of my daily entertainment!!

More stories to come .... time to start my weekend!

Curse the Smart Phone

I am one of very few who have not fallen victim to the smart phone hype. There are two reasons. One - I don't want to pay for a data plan (I don't have THAT many people to communicate with). Two - I don't need a device that is smarter than I am ... I have friends for that.

Well I now have a third reason to hate smart phones.

I'm working with a small group of students reviewing word families. I gave them their word family -ap and had them write as many words as they could that belong to that family. For those of you unfamiliar with my tricky teacher lingo a word family is basically a groups of words that end with the same sound and spelling. For example the -ip family would include (but is not limited to) tip, chip, whip, lip, drip. Or the -et family would include pet, wet, vet, set, let, etc. Now that we are all on the same page, I am sure you are expecting words such as lap, tap, clap, map, rap, etc. to be inducted into the -ap family.

Teacher Lesson Number 1: Always expect the unexpected and never underestimate the thought process of a 6 year old.

With that being said one student share this word gpsap. Yes - she clearly displayed her ability to add -ap to the end to make it a part of the family. I explain that gpsap is not a real word but I was glad she could apply the word family rule. To my surprise I hear "It is word - hello!" The following took place.

Me: No - gpsap is just letters with ap at the end.

Kid: No - it's a real thing.

Me: Ok. Can you explain to me what it is?

Kid: Yeah - you can get one on your phone and it tells you where to go.

Touche. How can you argue with that logic? A GPS app .. for a stupid smart phone. They are now infiltrating my teaching arena!!