One Word

Have you ever been talking to someone or thinking about something or listening in on other peoples' conversations (no? that's just me??) and a specific word or phrase instantly turns you into the next American Idol? I know you know what I'm talking about. That one word that triggers a chorus line from a song you love ... or hate ... and you can't help but start singing.

For instance the word 

has the amazing ability of summoning the musical talents of 

THE SUPREMES

(STOP in the name of love ...)

MC HAMMER

 (STOP it's hammer time ...)

And of course who can forget

VANILLA ICE 

(STOP collaborate and listen ...)

This morning I had one of the moments and it reminded me of a classroom classic that I almost completely forgot about. Since it's summer and I don't seem to have much to do nor do I want to do much I decided to take the time and share. 

One blissful day (haha yeah right) my kiddos were just getting on my nerves. You'd think after 100+ days they would have figured out the whole "rules" system. But alas, the shouting out continued, the tattling went on, the "what am I supposed to do?" was still asked. During carpet time, I finally stopped and gave them a piece of my mind ... which they never seemed to take. At one point I told them that their choices were making me mad. Before I could continue, from the back of the room I hear in a soft yet audible voice .... "m-m-m-m-m-m-mad mad mad"

As a teacher, sometimes you just can't stay m-m-m-m-m-m-mad mad mad in moments like that. I ended up laughing and moving on with whatever it was that we were doing that day. Now every time I hear that song I think of that musical moment where one word triggered a singing sensation that transformed a mad teacher into a not so mad teacher. Thank you Muse for your inspired lyrics! 

Kids really DO say the darndest things

Bill Cosby had the right idea .... I should have started my own television show. 

It would have worked out great. It would air weekly and I most likely wouldn't be in charge of making sure it happened. Clearly I fail at follow through with this blog. But alas, I am pretty sure I didn't even want to be a teacher when this show came out. Yet here I am. A teacher. With quotes from kids. Because kids really DO say the darndest things. Here are just a few gems from the past school year. Since we are already on a t.v. show inspired post, I shall present these delightful tidbits in a Letterman TOP 10 inspired fashion. 

10. I often tell my kids to knock of their shenanigans. It's a lot nicer than what I want to say sometimes. One day a kid was goofing off and before I could exclaim my annoyance another kid shouted on my behalf  "HEY - knock off your mannequins!"


9. On our way back from bathroom break, I over hear a kid say "My sh** smells great!" Well we don't use those words at school so I respond with a shocking "WHAT?!" The kid replies "My sh**." He grabs his shirt and smells it. "It smells great!" Between bouts of laughter I politely correct him "Your shirt smells great."

8. When spring break is around the corner, everyone gets a little antsy and some things that normal wouldn't bother me just do. After asking a certain student to stop talking multiple times I finally ask "Why do I still hear you talking?" Clearly he didn't get the point and tries to keep talking. I tell him that I don't want to hear him right now and that he will have to tell me later. Since I wasn't a listening ear and he was going to say something anyways he just shouts "Well I want to be a flying squirrel." The kid next to him chimes in with "OH! OH! I want to be a reticulated python." How do you respond to that? Well here's how I responded - "Great! Well guess what? Neither one of those talk - ready, go!" Needless to say it was a very quiet week before spring break. 

7. The difference between men and women from the eyes of a first grader. At this point in the year the weather was in transition so it was still a bit chilly in the morning but sweltering in the afternoon. After school I asked a student why he was still wearing his jacket and if he was hot?  And action -  Kid: "Yes but I don't mind sweating." Me: "Really? I don't like to sweat that much." Kid: Ms. D ... I'm a man and you're a woman. Men sweat a lot. That's how you know they are a man." And to think, I've been looking for other qualifiers this whole time. 

6. My kiddos had a word list packet that they had to read off to me in order to move on to the next list of words. When I had check off time, they would make a line to pass off their word list. One day (due to some unforeseen chaos) I wasn't able to get to very many of them. I informed them that I was done checking lists and it was time to clean up. A student who, as I like to imagine but I'm sure is not accurate, was so engrossed in his reading didn't notice the line before says, "That's a long line." Without hesitation a student sitting in the line jumps up and responds with "Yeah a long line of disappointment."

5. One morning a student walks in late with a green, paper mustache taped to his face. I acknowledge his nice mustache and the student kindly thanks me for noticing. Just because I had to see where this could lead I asked him if he grew it over night. He responded by informing me that it was just a fake one and pulled it off to confirm his point. I respectfully let him know that he had me fooled but also told him he would need to keep it off and store it in his backpack. His response "You're a silly goose. You thought this was real." Yes child I thought your green paper mustache was the real McCoy.

4. During a lesson on fire safety the counselor asked "If there is a fire, what number do you call?" The class shouted with gusto "9-1-1!" One kiddo quickly pointed out that that's for the number for the police. The counselor confirmed but also explained that it is actually the number you call for any emergency. Before he could complete his thought another kid proclaimed "Or if you see a peeping tom."

3. A prime example of the when the student becomes the teacher. Kid - "I'm done with breakfast." Me - (noticing the unopened milk about to be tossed) "Are you going to drink your milk?" Kid - "no." Me - "Can I have it?" Kid - "Well you can at least say please." Me - "you're right. May I please have your milk?" Kid - "That sounds better. Yes." 

2. One day I did a cartwheel for my kids as part of a reward system (it's amazing what these kids will do for some of the silliest things). When I finished, I made the comment that I was getting old and that was a lot easier when I was younger. This conversation occurred: Kid1 - "Ms. Darlington are you ok?" Me - "I'm fine thanks. Just getting old." Kid2 - "Are you going to die?" Me - "Not today." Kid2 - "Tomorrow?" Me - "I hope not." Kid2 - "the next day?" Me - "do you want me to die?" Kid2 - "no." Kid3 - "Ms. D is alive - Hooray!!!" Kid4 - "when was she not alive?" Kid3 - "you're alive right Ms. D?" Me - "yes, yes I am."

AND DRUM ROLL PLEASE ... BRRRRRBRRRRBBRRRRRBRRRRRRRR (it's the best I could do alright. If you require an Actual drum roll, <-- click there). By far the most awkward moment in the classroom ....

1. We were practicing counting by 2s. As a teacher, I understand that sometimes abstract ideas need to be made concrete. So I had the kids touch their ears, shoulders, hips, knees, and feet as they counted. We discussed that we all have 2 of each. Then a kids stands up, walks over, and points to my breasts and says "you have two of those" ... yes ... yes I do. Thanks for pointing out my womanly features you weirdo!

180 Days Around the Sun

What can be done in 180 days around the world? Let me tell you. 180 days seems like an eternity when I am living each one with 20 little people who can't tie their own shoes or button their own pants or think "hanitizer" (hand sanitizer) is an acceptable alternative to washing their hands after the using the bathroom. But then the last day comes and it seems like yesterday they came in as scared little post-kinders. Through the good and the bad, the happy and the sad (is there a song out there with those lyrics?? If not - DIBS!) each one becomes a part of who I am and I hope I have become a part of who they are.

Every year I read them a good-bye poem ... and cry ... this year was no different for me. My kiddos even joined in this time. Some openly crying, some quietly shedding a tear, some being "manly" and holding it back and ... well, some laughing because their teacher was crying (can't win them all). However what made this year a little different (and a little more special) was that I shared the fact that I wouldn't be returning next year to watch them grow and become amazing 2nd graders, 3rd graders, and so on. This caused more drainage of the eyes and a stampede towards the tissue boxes. As my kiddos showered me with hugs and compliments, I'll miss yous and don't leaves, I clearly saw the bond that we created that only we can measure with our time and experiences together. 

It was that moment that I also realized that all the testing, data reports, grades, and other paperwork don't accurately reflect the achievements made in the past year of me and MY kids. I've seen them stubble, fall, regress, and struggle but most of all I have seen them find success. I've seen them conquer the seemingly impossible in their eyes and accomplish their goals. I've seen them shout for joy when completing a task and exclaim "I did it Ms. D. I did it all by myself!" Kids who couldn't read are now reading. Kids who couldn't write are now writing. Kids who once thought they were worth nothing now see how much they are truly worth. That's what 180 days can do.

One quoteable moment happened when the school counselor was giving the stranger danger talk.  He asked "Is your teacher a stranger?" The class responds "No!" while one kid, who looks at our daily count chart, states, "Well we've know her for 138 days. It was a little weird on day one having a stranger for a teacher but she's not now. We like her." 42 days later here are a few of the compliments I received. 

This is probably my favorite sketch .... the hair is simply amazing and I'm still trying to decide if the Ninjago kid has an extra large sleeve or is wearing a cape. 

These are technically not a note but they are beautiful! (And I can now say a boy gave me flowers.)

It was a great year with many memories, funny moments, good laughs, and lots of learning.

What Once Was Lost ...

Is now found!! 

At one point in my life I had zero e-mail accounts. I suppose anyone over the age of 15 can say the same. None the less, with a burst of internet excitement, I somehow ended up with more email accounts  than anyone could really need. As luck would have it, I lost the password to the account I used to create  this blog. AND it only took me a year to recover it! I am that good. Hackers don't have anything on me.  

Well now that I am back in action, I have 9 months of classroom history to relive. Some enjoyable ... others I'd rather forget. But I have Mark Zuckerberg to thank and grovel to for not letting those precious moments slip away. In the near future, you can check back in to relive those moments ... maybe with more detail (if I can dust off the ol' memory bank). But I could never just post without a little something to haunt your dreams. Heaven knows mine are haunted and misery loves company. So come on over and join me in my torture ... er ... teaching delights. 

Today's momentous moment:
It's Friday - the end of a long week of no internet, no air, no subs, and eventually no sanity. I was just hoping to get through the day without any major crisis. But my kiddos do NOT disappoint. Where chaos is lacking, they are there to provide! Alas, we are sitting on the carpet reviewing math ... or reading ... I don't even know anymore ... just something educational and relevant to schooling. After reviewing and explaining I ask for questions. And here is the next conversation ...

Me: Yes student (I can't use their names and I'm too tired to  generate a pseudonym)
Kid: Do cats lick their hands?
Me: They don't have hands. They have paws.
Kid: Ok - do they lick their paws?
Me: Yes. 
Kid: (starts licking his hands)
Me: Umm - what are you doing?
Kid: I'm a cat. I'm licking my paws.

Next thing I know several kids have decided they are cats and are now licking their hands. What a germophobic nightmare!! That's the moment I tipped my hat and said yet another goodbye to a normal day. 

Total Recall ... or lack thereof

Wow ... I hadn't realized how much time had passed since the last post. I guess things got a little crazy ... hmmm. Oh well. Now is as good a time as any to get caught up.

Apparently the last big shebang that occurred was the debate over why Hello Kitty lacked a mouth (which I must say has become a silence breaker for me in recent awkward moments). Now that Summer vacation in 4 weeks in it is a bit rough to remember some of the "good times" that have taken place. So this post will be a pathetic attempt to recall yet another school year that has come and gone.

Ok ... after several minutes of deep contemplation I can't seem to remember much from the months of February, March, April, or May. But following are a few moments that come to mind that either made me chuckle, made me insane, or made me question my career (most of the time it's all three).

Moment 1: I had a little girl who would constantly make sure she was sitting right by my feet during carpet time. Why? So she could rub the tops of my feet. Disturbing? YES!! I tried the tender approach of asking her multiple times to stop. When she didn't, I moved her as far away as possible. But, like the cat who came back (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=th_KV1XVYFU .... check this out if you didn't catch my reference), she ALWAYS found her way back to my feet and would rub them. Truly one can only handle that so much before they lose it!! So I snapped on her and asked why she continues to rub my feet after I have asked her to stop. She just stared back and me and said "It's my hobby!" ... wonderful. I mean I guess she's thinking outside of the box.

Moment 2: Speaking of boxes that brings me to this next gem. Towards the end of the year I always do a writing/science piece based around rocks. Each student is given a rock (yes a real one BUT with each rock comes great responsibility). They are to name the rock and write a story about their pet rock using what they learned during science, their 5 senses (minus tasting ... so 4 senses), and any thing else that is pertinent to the topic. The kiddos really get into rocks after this activity (which is why I ONLY do it at the end of the year). They bring me rocks on a daily basis and love adding to the collection. Well a few boys took it to a whole new level. I go to pick up my kids at from P.E. The teacher asks me to come see what he found. Looking at the group of boys at the end I knew it could be ANYTHING ... ANYTHING! They are known for their unique abilities to accomplish the unthinkable. The P.E. teacher asks the boys to empty their pockets. They stare at him but do nothing. He says "NOW!" so they start pulling handfuls of rocks from their pockets. They practically had a rock quarry at their feet!! When I asked them why they told me they thought the rocks were cool and wanted to add them to the collection. For the remainder of the year I had to perform a daily rock pocket check before entering the building.

Moment 3: If there's one thing I can't handle in the classroom it's throw up. I stress all stinkin year that if you think you are going to throw up just GO TO THE TRASH CAN. You don't have to ask or anything. But how does they year always go. Don't ask for anything EXCEPT for where to go when you need to throw up. So one day I had a kid who was looking a little pale and kept complaining about his tummy. I sent him to the nurse but he returned about a half hour later. He still looked awful! I asked if he was going home and he said the nurse told him he needed to go back to class but that he still felt like he needed to throw up. I told him to go sit by the trash and take it easy. As he turns to head to the trash can it just all came out!! Everything he ate for breakfast (you know dairy products, cheese, cereal ... everything). It was all over the door and walkway (mind you the only entrance and exit to my humble little abode), a few backpacks, the chair next to the trash can BUT not a drop in the trash can. Of course I need to send him back out threw it which then makes all the kids start to scream and make fake vomit noises. All of this just minutes before it was time to leave for specials. So I had to orchestrate an escape route through the vomit. I pretty sure I would qualify for some sort of military route diversion team after that!!

Well that's all for now ... it is summer break after all :)

I'll pick up the blog again when the 2012-2013 school year begins!!

Hello Kitty and Whoppi

If you don't know who this bow-adorned feline is then you clearly have not been in my classroom. There are days that I feel like if I see another Hello Kitty t-shirt, necklace, stencil, pencil, keychain, lunchbox, figure, or the like I'll slit my wrists with a Hello Kitty ruler (mostly because it would be the sharpest thing I could find in my room). Yeah - she's cute and I'm sure totally cuddly but not really my thing. With that said, I have never paid close attention to the details of this cat. Today, it was brought to my attention that she has no mouth. One would think that the mouth is a pretty key feature to the face how could I have not noticed before. I think it's kind of like the fact that Whoppi Goldberg has no eyebrows.

If you didn't notice before you will now EVERY time you see her. It's just one of those things you would think you would notice but don't. Well let me tell you how I learned about the missing Hello Kitty mouth. This is a true story. Like I said before, I just can't make this stuff up. So I'm testing and the kiddos are enjoying free friday activities. One student is using a Hello Kitty stencil to clone this cat about 50 times over.

Kid#1: Hey - why doesn't Hello Kitty have a mouth? (a question we now all want to know the answer to)

Kid#2: Because it wasn't on the stencil. (Their logic blows my mind)

Kid#1: Well how can she meow? (Another excellent question)

Kid#3: It's a girl .... and a cat. (That answers it ... ???)

Kid#1: What? Cats meow. That doesn't make sense. I asked why she didn't have a mouth.

Kid#3: She had cancer.

Kid#2: No she didn't.

Kid#1: How does that mean she doesn't have a mouth.

Kid#3: It was mouth cancer. When the doctors took away the cancer they took away her mouth.

Kid#1: That's dumb!

Kids ... the very foundation of my daily entertainment!!

More stories to come .... time to start my weekend!

Curse the Smart Phone

I am one of very few who have not fallen victim to the smart phone hype. There are two reasons. One - I don't want to pay for a data plan (I don't have THAT many people to communicate with). Two - I don't need a device that is smarter than I am ... I have friends for that.

Well I now have a third reason to hate smart phones.

I'm working with a small group of students reviewing word families. I gave them their word family -ap and had them write as many words as they could that belong to that family. For those of you unfamiliar with my tricky teacher lingo a word family is basically a groups of words that end with the same sound and spelling. For example the -ip family would include (but is not limited to) tip, chip, whip, lip, drip. Or the -et family would include pet, wet, vet, set, let, etc. Now that we are all on the same page, I am sure you are expecting words such as lap, tap, clap, map, rap, etc. to be inducted into the -ap family.

Teacher Lesson Number 1: Always expect the unexpected and never underestimate the thought process of a 6 year old.

With that being said one student share this word gpsap. Yes - she clearly displayed her ability to add -ap to the end to make it a part of the family. I explain that gpsap is not a real word but I was glad she could apply the word family rule. To my surprise I hear "It is word - hello!" The following took place.

Me: No - gpsap is just letters with ap at the end.

Kid: No - it's a real thing.

Me: Ok. Can you explain to me what it is?

Kid: Yeah - you can get one on your phone and it tells you where to go.

Touche. How can you argue with that logic? A GPS app .. for a stupid smart phone. They are now infiltrating my teaching arena!!

Sanity Breaking Point

I have spent the last three weeks contemplating jobs that do not require me to think, only take a few hours each day, and are in not way related to children.

Coming back from winter break is always a little something special. You know that classic line from "It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas"? C'mon - you know when the lyrics whisper the magical words "And Mom and Dad can hardly wait for school to start again" ... there's a reason they can't wait. However, I could wait all year for their return (longer if I had to). Why you ask. Well let's think this through - like an experiment of sorts.

Take 20 six year olds who have been excited about EVERY holiday since October 1st when they realized Halloween was around the corner, give them 2 weeks off without your constant teachery supervision, have them receive gifts and candy within that 2 week period, THEN ask them to return to a candy free, routine stricken, toyless world where they are expected to return to their pre-break habits.

Catchin' my anti-excitement for student return? GOOD! For added pleasure, when they came back, we jumped right into testing. So for 3 weeks now, our routine has gone down the proverbial crapper and in their tiny little brains testing season means P-A-R-T-Y!

But between the return and my current new career day dreams there have been MANY stellar quotes. Most of which deserve their very own personalized post ... which shall be granted. But for those quotes that, like the cheese, stand alone, I will add to this post.

"Ms. D - if I put this brownie in my pants can I keep it?" ... wondering if they can take their brownie from lunch.

Kid coloring a spork with a black marker.

Me: What are you doing?

Kid: (Looking around the room) Umm ... making batman.

Talking with a student at lunch about her brother that also attends the school

Me: How's your brother doing?

Kid: Which one? The tall one, the skinny one, or the old one?

Me: Umm ... the one in 4th grade

"Ms. D - Why are your toes so big and fat?" ... excellent question!

Little Drummer Boy

Every year for the holidays, I have my kiddos make a gift for their parents. But I can never just do some random piece of crap that will end up in the garbage ... that's just a waste of time, money, and effort. All of which I have very little of these days. So here we are doing the same snowman handprint ornament. It looks something like this ....

... cute right?! Although I do it every year, I always have the moment of WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?? I'M NEVER DOING THEM AGAIN. Examples being ...

Year 1: Never trust kids with a plate of paint. In my defense, I was a first year teacher and I had not developed the gift of foreseeing the destruction of 6 year olds. I had, in my very humble opinion, planned out every detail, every step of directions, EVERYTHING! I gave each groups of kids a plate of paint, then an ornament. I told them to dip one hand in the paint and place it on the ornament. When finished I would pick it up and they could go wash their hands in the bathroom and all would be well. PSYCH!!! Next thing I knew kids were running about with both hands covered in paint playing tag ... handprints were every where but in the ornaments. Absolute fail!!

Year 2: Well ... needless to say it went better than year one so no complaints I suppose. I learned then to give them something less dangerous than a plate of paint and paint each kids hand and then have them place it on the ornament. Biggest fail was not realizing one of the ornaments was wedged in my couch cushions and having one very distraught student who thought the world was over because she wasn't getting an ornament. Oops!

Year 3: I waited until the last day before break to decorate the fingers and transform them into snowman. So I spent my entire prep hour decorating like a mad woman and still didn't finish ... more time consuming then one may realize. Too much stress!

That brings us to today ... Year 4. For the first time I was unable to buy shatterproof ornaments (I can tell you have figured out the fail moment already). I was barely able to find solid colored, plain ornaments period much less find shatterproof. Everything was covered in glitter and grooves and gems and other decorative crap. Fortunately I pillaged the aisle and commandeered the last two boxes of plain, solid colored ornaments.

So I went through the whole rigmarole of painting, pressing, washing, decorating, labeling, etc. Before I handed out the ornaments I gave a very long, very serious and meaningful lecture about the fragility of the ornaments and how to properly handle them when tying on the sentimental poem. As I walked the room aiding the kids that clearly needed help, I hear the distinct sounds of shattering glass. So I sprang from my seat to see what was the matter ... and what to my wondering eyes should appear but several shards of glass and a boy with a tear. In his hands sat something close to the appearance of this ....

When I asked how it happened his response was "I hit it with a pencil." Apparently he was drumming on his ornament. I cleaned it up, made him sit there and cry for a bit, then had him go get an extra ornament from another teacher. After thinking - I'm never doing this again, I listened to how excited they were to give it to their parents and one girl kept repeating "It's so beautiful. Thank you! They are just beautiful!".

So ... now ... I have too!

Well ... That's Definitely An Answer

First off ... where in the world did the time go? Often times I wish I could save my free time minutes like those AT&T commercials. You know, just tuck them away in a safe place for those moments when time is lacking in my life.

The past month has only lacked time for me. It's like my life is the energizer bunny that keeps going and going and going. Yet I am more like the tortoise who, although beat the hare, was ridiculously slow. So take that hare/life - one day I will dominate you and your energizer ways!!

Since we are on the topic of time ... I don't have much of that left to create a full compilation of all the joys, wonders, and mysteries of my room. So just to wet your whistle for more to come here is todays marvelous moment.

I was working with a small group of chicklets on comprehension. We read a mind-blowing

and incredibly riveting story about a dog who finds different colored balls and chews them, plays with them, and .... oh I don't want to give away the ending to such a compelling tale. One of the questions asked was "What color ball do you think the dog found next?"

------ Side story (ooo - a bonus story. Must be your lucky day) We spent a week ... A WHOLE WEEK ... learning common and proper nouns. Took the test and I have kids tell me that proper nouns begin with a question mark and that 'run' is a common noun. Yet we read this crappy ... er touching story about a dog and they make comments such as "A dog is a common noun because it doesn't give us specific information" or "Ball is a common noun". Where was that knowledge when we took the test? Leave it in your back pocket? Played hide and seek with it and you lost? Children!! --

-----

Well you should have had PLENTY of time to generate an answer for that Final Jeopardy question! Most of the "normal" kids are selecting answers like green, pink, purple, black, etc. You average, run-of-the-mill colors. Then I hear this .... drum roll please .... Chartreuse. And yes I did

have to look up how to spell it BUT in my defense I was a lot closer in my spelling than she was. Sharktoosh ... come on now!! Not really a color most people ponder on and use regularly much less a 6 year-old.

Awww nothing quite like a Chartreuse ball to ... marry! Yes this same child decided that the dog would then marry the ball. Oh no ... sniff, sleep, play, chew ... those are for amateurs. Her final sentence

The dog will marry the sharktoosh ball!

Emphasis on the exclamation point because ... and I quote "The exclamation point is there to show a weird emotion because it is weird for a dog to marry a ball."

On that note ... good night and sweet dreams of a chartreuse ba-dog!

It can bark and bounce and fetch itself.

Flashback Friday

What a week it has been!! But now it's time to focus on craziness from the past rather than current craziness. So I present to you .... drum roll please ... FLASHBACK FRIDAY! Shocking right?!

Today's little gem was inspired by one of my lessons/activities. As we are all aware Thanksgiving is just around the corner. When it comes to Thanksgiving in First Grade, food is always the most commonly known fact amongst the wee ones. So to help round them out, we talk a lot about Indians and Pilgrims. Just like this past week, we were discussing Indians/Native Americans. We watched a nice little video, talked about their heritage, and then we started a color poem. The students write a simple poem using a color, something from nature, and describing words. All the makings of a good time! After the poem is written, they get to color a Native American pot to go with the poem.

We had reached the pot coloring portion of our expedition on a brisk November afternoon. Things were going decently well and I had stopped to help a student out. Within moments, I heard some chaos a brewin'. I turn around to see what is happening and to my bewilderment the following situation was occurring.

One student is running circles around the room yelling "Where's my pot? Where's my pot?" while another student is waving his rump in the air screaming "Stop touching my buns!!" and then slapping his own bottom.

Now this wouldn't have been so bad except for the fact that sitting directly behind the buns boy was the principal ... completing an observation. Based on that observation alone one would assume that within the walls of my closet ... er .. classroom we sell (and maybe do) drugs and harass each other. Which for the record neither happen.

I am thankful to report that this year's pot activity was far less "illegal" and much more sane!

The Anthill Phenomenon

Have you ever noticed how a perfectly flowing stream of ants can instantly turn chaotic if just a single grain of sand interrupts their path? In my mind I would think "Eh - a grain of sand. Go around it and all will be well." But ants don't think that way. They just begin running amuck as if the world has come to a screeching halt! Kids are freakishly similar to ants. They are small, all over the place, eating my snacks, and I'm pretty sure some of them have exoskeletons. Outside of those striking similarities, kids are very set in their routine and will erupt into chaos if anything breaks their routine. Lets just say that today a grain of MOUNTAIN broke their routine.

I walked into work all excited that the clocks were fixed (which meant the bells were back to ringing at the regularly scheduled times). For once, I was ENTIRELY prepared for my day (copies, centers, lesson plans, etc - the whole 9 yards). I remembered to pack a lunch so I didn't have to eat school lunch for the 10th day in a row. Then just a hair before 10:50 the fire drill startles the crud out of me. In a well-rehearsed manner my students and I exit the building. We are outside until 11:25. Thirty-five minutes isn't too bad except for the fact that it was half my prep and it threw the lunch schedule off by an hour and my kids took it as sign of sweet freedom. In their minds it was a party for the rest of the day. My little ants that once walked in such an orderly fashion are now cartwheeling and roundhouse kicking down the hall.

When 12:00 rolled around - our normal lunch time - the complaints came pouring in. "I'm hungry!", "My stomach hurts!", "When can we go to recess?", "Are we going to eat today?". Thank heavens I had a cereal stash. I divided and passed out the rations and took my one moment of peace for the day. We finally made it to lunch at 12:45 ... which turned out to be outside dining only adding to the chaos of the day.

Right when I thought there cannot be any more surprises the destroy this day the SKITTLE FIASCO reared its ugly head.

Since I wasn't going to be able to teach them anything the last 20 minutes of the day I opted for a much needed desk clean out. Reward for properly cleaning out a desk - ONE SKITTLE! Might as well be a million bucks. I set one girl's Skittle on her desk and within seconds it was GONE. MISSING..... dare I say it ............................. STOLEN! After dramatically rolling the bag closed and shoving it back on the shelf I declared that not another single Skittle will be seen in the classroom unless the culprit turned themselves in. FINALLY the little klepto confessed and I shipped their tushies home for a 4-day, stress-free (hopefully), No Child Left Behind (haha - I'm so funny) weekend.

Here's to next week ... a better grouping of days then this week!"

Imperfect Timing

Raise your hand if you remember reading a sign posted above, below, or somewhere around the clock in one of your high school classrooms that read

I believe that was meant to encourage us to watch the teacher not the clock. Plant that seed of how continually watching the hands tick by will in no way attribute to our success. I'd place that same sign in my classroom but they can't tell time so they don't even look at the clock. Instead I hear "What time is it?", "Is it time for lunch yet?", "Is it time to go home?" ALL .... DAY .... LONG!. That and they probably wouldn't get it anyways.

Now that you are this far into my web of awesomeness, there really is no "student" story of the day. Rather just an inhumane by-product of the conclusion of Daylight Saving Time (which is cruel and unusual all on its own). As most of you know - or at least figured out - Daylight Savings Time is now over. Which means brighter mornings, darker nights, and earlier muggings. So, logically you would think that in a school that bases everything on time (with bells indicating specific times) that the clocks would have been top priority for change over the weekend.

Ah - never let logic get in the way of a school. No, No! For the last TWO days - count them ... ONE ... TWO ... - the clocks have been anything but correct.

Do you see the difference? 6:07 at school .... 4:07 EVERYWHERE ELSE!

I know what you're thinking - It can't be that bad. OK - YOU try convincing 19 children that you have spent that last 3 months training that when a certain bell rings it means clean up that THIS time it does not! OR that even though the bell didn't ring it really is time to go ... like bye-bye!

The one bonus is that luckily for me, I never read the hour hand. I only utilize the minute hand in my room. I know that when the big hand is on the 9 I need to get my kids. When it is on the 11 it's lunch time. When its on the 6 its time to clean up. I think you get the idea. One time another teacher came in and asked when my prep was over. My response - on the 10. Sad - maybe. Incredibly efficient - most definitely.

However, that amazing skill of mine does not deter from the fact that the screwy clocks are lapping up what little sanity I have left. This would not be a problem if we just joined Arizona in their genius of not trying to save daylight. Really - what are we trying to save it for anyways?

Flashback Friday

Sadly - I just realized it was Friday and of course had to post ASAP! But in my defense it has been one of THOSE weeks. If it weren't Friday, I would most definitely be checking into mental hospital. Before the flashback begins can I just say that NO teacher should ever have to deal with 19 six-year olds coming down off of a sugar high. It's just trouble waiting to happen.

No so very happy anymore!!

I recently read somewhere that it was proposed that Halloween be changed to the last Saturday of October. My initial thought was NO WAY! The 31st is and shall forever be Halloween. Then Halloween happened and I spent a week dealing with agony of candy withdrawals. I am pretty sure I suffered far more then they did. Kids were coming in with BlowPops for breakfast, licorice for lunch, and I wouldn't be surprised if they ate Snickers for supper. At first, they were so hopped up on glucose I believe they were comatose. That did not last long enough. It was so bad I had a student laughing when he took a BAD day card home. That is a tell-tale sign of substance (in this case sugar) abuse right there! So what I am trying to say is GET ME A PEN - I will sign the crap out of any petition that is PRO Halloween on a Saturday ... I'll even settle for Friday.

Thank you for staying with me on that one. Now strap on your safety belt because this Delorean

is about to travel back in time! The year - 2009. Isn't time travel just great! So it didn't travel back that far but none the less back it did go. I figured since I am pretty much DONE with this week and beyond ready for a break that this little quote would sum it all up!

For those that do not teach, it is just known that it is far easier to teach sick than it is to prepare for a sub. That was just what I did. Hence ...

Student: What's wrong?

Me: I'm sick.

Student: Are you sick of us?

Right now - yes, yes I am! Please use this weekend to rid your tiny, frail little body of all the sugary toxins and let me have my sanity back!

Save the Drama for your Mama

Kids never cease to amaze me. Right when I think that my students are the most self-centered little people on the planet they prove me wrong while simultaneously proving me right.

Yesterday, one of my students discovered that her "bugs" were missing (bugs are a part of a token system in my classroom). She began her freak out phase ... a phase that I unfortunately deal with on a day to day basis. "MY BUGS ARE GONE!!! Now I have to start all over! Why are my bugs gone??!!" Crying ... Arms Flailing ... A little over dramatic - perhaps. I tried calming her down and explained - in a loud enough voice for all the other students to hear - that if someone stole it hopefully they will make a good choice and return the bugs and apologize.

Moments after my amazing child whisperer skills and the beginning of my super sleuthing "who-stole-the-bugs" skills a nearby student walked over and set one of his hard-earned bugs on the drama queen's desk. Awww right? As I am witnessing such a tender moment and thinking wow - what a kid! I hear ... "One?! That's it? UNO!!! UNO!!!" and she proceeds to throw it on the floor exclaiming how her life is over. Again ... maybe just slightly over dramatic.

Still thinking wow - what a kid! but in a completely different way I praise the giving child for making such a great choice to share his bug but he can keep it. Next thing I know, multiple students came up and set 2 or 3 of their bugs on DQ's desk.

In the same moment that I was overwhelmed by their selflessness I was also shocked at the lack of gratitude. I had to coerce DQ into thanking all her fellow classmates for giving up their bugs.

Children ... unpredictable in the seemingly most predictable ways.

Now if only I can get them to share some following direction abilities and listening skills to help me out in class.

Flashback Friday

I decided that although many wonderful and must-be-told tales arise from the marker-fumed haze of my classroom there are some delightful moments that just deserve to be shared again. Hence the title Flashback Friday. I mostly picked Friday because it was the only day of the week that provided the much needed alliteration for such an awesome trip back through time.

I would like to point out that I DO KNOW that today is Thursday ... but not for long. Unless you are a night owl and your life is so boring you are stalking ME right now then it will be Friday by the time you read this (or later ...).

This shnazzy (I see you red squiggle but this is a word ... I used it in my youth) little gem dates back to my first year in the trenches ... I mean classroom ... no, I mean the trenches. I was teaching writing and had started a quick mini lesson on what to do if we cannot spell a word. Believe it or not I would have kids break down in tears if they could not spell a word on their own. TEARS!! You can't tie your own shoes or button your own pants and spelling is your biggest concern?! But alas my constant pleas to sound it out and do their best were a failure. So in this lesson, that I so thoughtfully prepared, I modeled what to do when coming across a dreaded unknown word. Here's how it panned out -

As I was writing a sentence I stopped and pretended not know how to spell a word.

Me: "Oh no! I don't know how to spell this word."

Student: "WHAT?! You a grown woman."

First off - thank you for noticing. Second - maybe I should have started looking into acting as a career. I mean I did just convince a 6 year-old that I couldn't spell. That's rare talent right there. A diamond in the rough!

Future Dermatologist??

Ah - the first story. There will never be another like it .... Really there won't be. I have yet to experience the same event twice in the classroom. Although that does not stop me from pondering ways to better react to the situation. You know like those "Pick Your Own Ending" books. Problem is ... I don't think this book has an end. I'm living my very own NeverEnding Story (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088323/) minus the creepy yet cuddly dog/dragon.

Right - story time.

Once a month my school counselor comes in and teaches guidance lessons to the kiddos. This particular lesson was about using nice words and not making people feel bad. He started the lesson by displaying a big smiley happy face (named Mr. Smiley oddly enough). He explained that Mr. Smiley was very happy but when people say mean things it hurts him on the inside. He had the kids say mean things to Mr. Smiley and as they did he crumpled the paper up. Then he explained that saying nice things helps Mr. Smiley feel better. The kids proceeded to say nice things to Mr. Smiley as the counselor uncrumpled (yup - just made up a word) the paper. He further explained that Mr. Smiley felt better but wasn't the same. One student commented that he was no longer smooth. Trying to incorporate the word smooth into the lesson the following situation occurred:

Counselor: What can we do to make people feel smooth?

Student: LOTION!!

After a moment of great laughter from all the counselor rephrased his question to "What can we do to make people feel smooth on the inside?"

Just another day in paradise!

Never thought I would join the blogging world. Also never thought I would become a teacher. Nevertheless - here I am .... blogging about teaching.

My whole life I wanted to become a veterinarian but I figured teaching was pretty close (and it required WAY less science classes). Really the only differences are that my "patients" can talk and I get paid far less. The bonus of teaching though is that I encounter situations that I could NEVER fabricate even in my wildest dreams. J.K Rowling would kill for story starters from my room. Often times I find myself saying "Really? That just happened!?" or thinking "Why did I spend five years obtaining a degree to work with small, wild, children?".

However the FACT is that every day I wake up I choose to go teach boogery, needy, unpredictable yet absolutely adorable kiddos instead of selling oranges off the freeway off ramps. And with that choice comes quotes and stories a plenty.