Hello Kitty and Whoppi

If you don't know who this bow-adorned feline is then you clearly have not been in my classroom. There are days that I feel like if I see another Hello Kitty t-shirt, necklace, stencil, pencil, keychain, lunchbox, figure, or the like I'll slit my wrists with a Hello Kitty ruler (mostly because it would be the sharpest thing I could find in my room). Yeah - she's cute and I'm sure totally cuddly but not really my thing. With that said, I have never paid close attention to the details of this cat. Today, it was brought to my attention that she has no mouth. One would think that the mouth is a pretty key feature to the face how could I have not noticed before. I think it's kind of like the fact that Whoppi Goldberg has no eyebrows.

If you didn't notice before you will now EVERY time you see her. It's just one of those things you would think you would notice but don't. Well let me tell you how I learned about the missing Hello Kitty mouth. This is a true story. Like I said before, I just can't make this stuff up. So I'm testing and the kiddos are enjoying free friday activities. One student is using a Hello Kitty stencil to clone this cat about 50 times over.

Kid#1: Hey - why doesn't Hello Kitty have a mouth? (a question we now all want to know the answer to)

Kid#2: Because it wasn't on the stencil. (Their logic blows my mind)

Kid#1: Well how can she meow? (Another excellent question)

Kid#3: It's a girl .... and a cat. (That answers it ... ???)

Kid#1: What? Cats meow. That doesn't make sense. I asked why she didn't have a mouth.

Kid#3: She had cancer.

Kid#2: No she didn't.

Kid#1: How does that mean she doesn't have a mouth.

Kid#3: It was mouth cancer. When the doctors took away the cancer they took away her mouth.

Kid#1: That's dumb!

Kids ... the very foundation of my daily entertainment!!

More stories to come .... time to start my weekend!

Curse the Smart Phone

I am one of very few who have not fallen victim to the smart phone hype. There are two reasons. One - I don't want to pay for a data plan (I don't have THAT many people to communicate with). Two - I don't need a device that is smarter than I am ... I have friends for that.

Well I now have a third reason to hate smart phones.

I'm working with a small group of students reviewing word families. I gave them their word family -ap and had them write as many words as they could that belong to that family. For those of you unfamiliar with my tricky teacher lingo a word family is basically a groups of words that end with the same sound and spelling. For example the -ip family would include (but is not limited to) tip, chip, whip, lip, drip. Or the -et family would include pet, wet, vet, set, let, etc. Now that we are all on the same page, I am sure you are expecting words such as lap, tap, clap, map, rap, etc. to be inducted into the -ap family.

Teacher Lesson Number 1: Always expect the unexpected and never underestimate the thought process of a 6 year old.

With that being said one student share this word gpsap. Yes - she clearly displayed her ability to add -ap to the end to make it a part of the family. I explain that gpsap is not a real word but I was glad she could apply the word family rule. To my surprise I hear "It is word - hello!" The following took place.

Me: No - gpsap is just letters with ap at the end.

Kid: No - it's a real thing.

Me: Ok. Can you explain to me what it is?

Kid: Yeah - you can get one on your phone and it tells you where to go.

Touche. How can you argue with that logic? A GPS app .. for a stupid smart phone. They are now infiltrating my teaching arena!!

Sanity Breaking Point

I have spent the last three weeks contemplating jobs that do not require me to think, only take a few hours each day, and are in not way related to children.

Coming back from winter break is always a little something special. You know that classic line from "It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas"? C'mon - you know when the lyrics whisper the magical words "And Mom and Dad can hardly wait for school to start again" ... there's a reason they can't wait. However, I could wait all year for their return (longer if I had to). Why you ask. Well let's think this through - like an experiment of sorts.

Take 20 six year olds who have been excited about EVERY holiday since October 1st when they realized Halloween was around the corner, give them 2 weeks off without your constant teachery supervision, have them receive gifts and candy within that 2 week period, THEN ask them to return to a candy free, routine stricken, toyless world where they are expected to return to their pre-break habits.

Catchin' my anti-excitement for student return? GOOD! For added pleasure, when they came back, we jumped right into testing. So for 3 weeks now, our routine has gone down the proverbial crapper and in their tiny little brains testing season means P-A-R-T-Y!

But between the return and my current new career day dreams there have been MANY stellar quotes. Most of which deserve their very own personalized post ... which shall be granted. But for those quotes that, like the cheese, stand alone, I will add to this post.

"Ms. D - if I put this brownie in my pants can I keep it?" ... wondering if they can take their brownie from lunch.

Kid coloring a spork with a black marker.

Me: What are you doing?

Kid: (Looking around the room) Umm ... making batman.

Talking with a student at lunch about her brother that also attends the school

Me: How's your brother doing?

Kid: Which one? The tall one, the skinny one, or the old one?

Me: Umm ... the one in 4th grade

"Ms. D - Why are your toes so big and fat?" ... excellent question!

Little Drummer Boy

Every year for the holidays, I have my kiddos make a gift for their parents. But I can never just do some random piece of crap that will end up in the garbage ... that's just a waste of time, money, and effort. All of which I have very little of these days. So here we are doing the same snowman handprint ornament. It looks something like this ....

... cute right?! Although I do it every year, I always have the moment of WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?? I'M NEVER DOING THEM AGAIN. Examples being ...

Year 1: Never trust kids with a plate of paint. In my defense, I was a first year teacher and I had not developed the gift of foreseeing the destruction of 6 year olds. I had, in my very humble opinion, planned out every detail, every step of directions, EVERYTHING! I gave each groups of kids a plate of paint, then an ornament. I told them to dip one hand in the paint and place it on the ornament. When finished I would pick it up and they could go wash their hands in the bathroom and all would be well. PSYCH!!! Next thing I knew kids were running about with both hands covered in paint playing tag ... handprints were every where but in the ornaments. Absolute fail!!

Year 2: Well ... needless to say it went better than year one so no complaints I suppose. I learned then to give them something less dangerous than a plate of paint and paint each kids hand and then have them place it on the ornament. Biggest fail was not realizing one of the ornaments was wedged in my couch cushions and having one very distraught student who thought the world was over because she wasn't getting an ornament. Oops!

Year 3: I waited until the last day before break to decorate the fingers and transform them into snowman. So I spent my entire prep hour decorating like a mad woman and still didn't finish ... more time consuming then one may realize. Too much stress!

That brings us to today ... Year 4. For the first time I was unable to buy shatterproof ornaments (I can tell you have figured out the fail moment already). I was barely able to find solid colored, plain ornaments period much less find shatterproof. Everything was covered in glitter and grooves and gems and other decorative crap. Fortunately I pillaged the aisle and commandeered the last two boxes of plain, solid colored ornaments.

So I went through the whole rigmarole of painting, pressing, washing, decorating, labeling, etc. Before I handed out the ornaments I gave a very long, very serious and meaningful lecture about the fragility of the ornaments and how to properly handle them when tying on the sentimental poem. As I walked the room aiding the kids that clearly needed help, I hear the distinct sounds of shattering glass. So I sprang from my seat to see what was the matter ... and what to my wondering eyes should appear but several shards of glass and a boy with a tear. In his hands sat something close to the appearance of this ....

When I asked how it happened his response was "I hit it with a pencil." Apparently he was drumming on his ornament. I cleaned it up, made him sit there and cry for a bit, then had him go get an extra ornament from another teacher. After thinking - I'm never doing this again, I listened to how excited they were to give it to their parents and one girl kept repeating "It's so beautiful. Thank you! They are just beautiful!".

So ... now ... I have too!

Well ... That's Definitely An Answer

First off ... where in the world did the time go? Often times I wish I could save my free time minutes like those AT&T commercials. You know, just tuck them away in a safe place for those moments when time is lacking in my life.

The past month has only lacked time for me. It's like my life is the energizer bunny that keeps going and going and going. Yet I am more like the tortoise who, although beat the hare, was ridiculously slow. So take that hare/life - one day I will dominate you and your energizer ways!!

Since we are on the topic of time ... I don't have much of that left to create a full compilation of all the joys, wonders, and mysteries of my room. So just to wet your whistle for more to come here is todays marvelous moment.

I was working with a small group of chicklets on comprehension. We read a mind-blowing

and incredibly riveting story about a dog who finds different colored balls and chews them, plays with them, and .... oh I don't want to give away the ending to such a compelling tale. One of the questions asked was "What color ball do you think the dog found next?"

------ Side story (ooo - a bonus story. Must be your lucky day) We spent a week ... A WHOLE WEEK ... learning common and proper nouns. Took the test and I have kids tell me that proper nouns begin with a question mark and that 'run' is a common noun. Yet we read this crappy ... er touching story about a dog and they make comments such as "A dog is a common noun because it doesn't give us specific information" or "Ball is a common noun". Where was that knowledge when we took the test? Leave it in your back pocket? Played hide and seek with it and you lost? Children!! --

-----

Well you should have had PLENTY of time to generate an answer for that Final Jeopardy question! Most of the "normal" kids are selecting answers like green, pink, purple, black, etc. You average, run-of-the-mill colors. Then I hear this .... drum roll please .... Chartreuse. And yes I did

have to look up how to spell it BUT in my defense I was a lot closer in my spelling than she was. Sharktoosh ... come on now!! Not really a color most people ponder on and use regularly much less a 6 year-old.

Awww nothing quite like a Chartreuse ball to ... marry! Yes this same child decided that the dog would then marry the ball. Oh no ... sniff, sleep, play, chew ... those are for amateurs. Her final sentence

The dog will marry the sharktoosh ball!

Emphasis on the exclamation point because ... and I quote "The exclamation point is there to show a weird emotion because it is weird for a dog to marry a ball."

On that note ... good night and sweet dreams of a chartreuse ba-dog!

It can bark and bounce and fetch itself.

Flashback Friday

What a week it has been!! But now it's time to focus on craziness from the past rather than current craziness. So I present to you .... drum roll please ... FLASHBACK FRIDAY! Shocking right?!

Today's little gem was inspired by one of my lessons/activities. As we are all aware Thanksgiving is just around the corner. When it comes to Thanksgiving in First Grade, food is always the most commonly known fact amongst the wee ones. So to help round them out, we talk a lot about Indians and Pilgrims. Just like this past week, we were discussing Indians/Native Americans. We watched a nice little video, talked about their heritage, and then we started a color poem. The students write a simple poem using a color, something from nature, and describing words. All the makings of a good time! After the poem is written, they get to color a Native American pot to go with the poem.

We had reached the pot coloring portion of our expedition on a brisk November afternoon. Things were going decently well and I had stopped to help a student out. Within moments, I heard some chaos a brewin'. I turn around to see what is happening and to my bewilderment the following situation was occurring.

One student is running circles around the room yelling "Where's my pot? Where's my pot?" while another student is waving his rump in the air screaming "Stop touching my buns!!" and then slapping his own bottom.

Now this wouldn't have been so bad except for the fact that sitting directly behind the buns boy was the principal ... completing an observation. Based on that observation alone one would assume that within the walls of my closet ... er .. classroom we sell (and maybe do) drugs and harass each other. Which for the record neither happen.

I am thankful to report that this year's pot activity was far less "illegal" and much more sane!

The Anthill Phenomenon

Have you ever noticed how a perfectly flowing stream of ants can instantly turn chaotic if just a single grain of sand interrupts their path? In my mind I would think "Eh - a grain of sand. Go around it and all will be well." But ants don't think that way. They just begin running amuck as if the world has come to a screeching halt! Kids are freakishly similar to ants. They are small, all over the place, eating my snacks, and I'm pretty sure some of them have exoskeletons. Outside of those striking similarities, kids are very set in their routine and will erupt into chaos if anything breaks their routine. Lets just say that today a grain of MOUNTAIN broke their routine.

I walked into work all excited that the clocks were fixed (which meant the bells were back to ringing at the regularly scheduled times). For once, I was ENTIRELY prepared for my day (copies, centers, lesson plans, etc - the whole 9 yards). I remembered to pack a lunch so I didn't have to eat school lunch for the 10th day in a row. Then just a hair before 10:50 the fire drill startles the crud out of me. In a well-rehearsed manner my students and I exit the building. We are outside until 11:25. Thirty-five minutes isn't too bad except for the fact that it was half my prep and it threw the lunch schedule off by an hour and my kids took it as sign of sweet freedom. In their minds it was a party for the rest of the day. My little ants that once walked in such an orderly fashion are now cartwheeling and roundhouse kicking down the hall.

When 12:00 rolled around - our normal lunch time - the complaints came pouring in. "I'm hungry!", "My stomach hurts!", "When can we go to recess?", "Are we going to eat today?". Thank heavens I had a cereal stash. I divided and passed out the rations and took my one moment of peace for the day. We finally made it to lunch at 12:45 ... which turned out to be outside dining only adding to the chaos of the day.

Right when I thought there cannot be any more surprises the destroy this day the SKITTLE FIASCO reared its ugly head.

Since I wasn't going to be able to teach them anything the last 20 minutes of the day I opted for a much needed desk clean out. Reward for properly cleaning out a desk - ONE SKITTLE! Might as well be a million bucks. I set one girl's Skittle on her desk and within seconds it was GONE. MISSING..... dare I say it ............................. STOLEN! After dramatically rolling the bag closed and shoving it back on the shelf I declared that not another single Skittle will be seen in the classroom unless the culprit turned themselves in. FINALLY the little klepto confessed and I shipped their tushies home for a 4-day, stress-free (hopefully), No Child Left Behind (haha - I'm so funny) weekend.

Here's to next week ... a better grouping of days then this week!"