Little Drummer Boy

Every year for the holidays, I have my kiddos make a gift for their parents. But I can never just do some random piece of crap that will end up in the garbage ... that's just a waste of time, money, and effort. All of which I have very little of these days. So here we are doing the same snowman handprint ornament. It looks something like this ....

... cute right?! Although I do it every year, I always have the moment of WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?? I'M NEVER DOING THEM AGAIN. Examples being ...

Year 1: Never trust kids with a plate of paint. In my defense, I was a first year teacher and I had not developed the gift of foreseeing the destruction of 6 year olds. I had, in my very humble opinion, planned out every detail, every step of directions, EVERYTHING! I gave each groups of kids a plate of paint, then an ornament. I told them to dip one hand in the paint and place it on the ornament. When finished I would pick it up and they could go wash their hands in the bathroom and all would be well. PSYCH!!! Next thing I knew kids were running about with both hands covered in paint playing tag ... handprints were every where but in the ornaments. Absolute fail!!

Year 2: Well ... needless to say it went better than year one so no complaints I suppose. I learned then to give them something less dangerous than a plate of paint and paint each kids hand and then have them place it on the ornament. Biggest fail was not realizing one of the ornaments was wedged in my couch cushions and having one very distraught student who thought the world was over because she wasn't getting an ornament. Oops!

Year 3: I waited until the last day before break to decorate the fingers and transform them into snowman. So I spent my entire prep hour decorating like a mad woman and still didn't finish ... more time consuming then one may realize. Too much stress!

That brings us to today ... Year 4. For the first time I was unable to buy shatterproof ornaments (I can tell you have figured out the fail moment already). I was barely able to find solid colored, plain ornaments period much less find shatterproof. Everything was covered in glitter and grooves and gems and other decorative crap. Fortunately I pillaged the aisle and commandeered the last two boxes of plain, solid colored ornaments.

So I went through the whole rigmarole of painting, pressing, washing, decorating, labeling, etc. Before I handed out the ornaments I gave a very long, very serious and meaningful lecture about the fragility of the ornaments and how to properly handle them when tying on the sentimental poem. As I walked the room aiding the kids that clearly needed help, I hear the distinct sounds of shattering glass. So I sprang from my seat to see what was the matter ... and what to my wondering eyes should appear but several shards of glass and a boy with a tear. In his hands sat something close to the appearance of this ....

When I asked how it happened his response was "I hit it with a pencil." Apparently he was drumming on his ornament. I cleaned it up, made him sit there and cry for a bit, then had him go get an extra ornament from another teacher. After thinking - I'm never doing this again, I listened to how excited they were to give it to their parents and one girl kept repeating "It's so beautiful. Thank you! They are just beautiful!".

So ... now ... I have too!

Well ... That's Definitely An Answer

First off ... where in the world did the time go? Often times I wish I could save my free time minutes like those AT&T commercials. You know, just tuck them away in a safe place for those moments when time is lacking in my life.

The past month has only lacked time for me. It's like my life is the energizer bunny that keeps going and going and going. Yet I am more like the tortoise who, although beat the hare, was ridiculously slow. So take that hare/life - one day I will dominate you and your energizer ways!!

Since we are on the topic of time ... I don't have much of that left to create a full compilation of all the joys, wonders, and mysteries of my room. So just to wet your whistle for more to come here is todays marvelous moment.

I was working with a small group of chicklets on comprehension. We read a mind-blowing

and incredibly riveting story about a dog who finds different colored balls and chews them, plays with them, and .... oh I don't want to give away the ending to such a compelling tale. One of the questions asked was "What color ball do you think the dog found next?"

------ Side story (ooo - a bonus story. Must be your lucky day) We spent a week ... A WHOLE WEEK ... learning common and proper nouns. Took the test and I have kids tell me that proper nouns begin with a question mark and that 'run' is a common noun. Yet we read this crappy ... er touching story about a dog and they make comments such as "A dog is a common noun because it doesn't give us specific information" or "Ball is a common noun". Where was that knowledge when we took the test? Leave it in your back pocket? Played hide and seek with it and you lost? Children!! --

-----

Well you should have had PLENTY of time to generate an answer for that Final Jeopardy question! Most of the "normal" kids are selecting answers like green, pink, purple, black, etc. You average, run-of-the-mill colors. Then I hear this .... drum roll please .... Chartreuse. And yes I did

have to look up how to spell it BUT in my defense I was a lot closer in my spelling than she was. Sharktoosh ... come on now!! Not really a color most people ponder on and use regularly much less a 6 year-old.

Awww nothing quite like a Chartreuse ball to ... marry! Yes this same child decided that the dog would then marry the ball. Oh no ... sniff, sleep, play, chew ... those are for amateurs. Her final sentence

The dog will marry the sharktoosh ball!

Emphasis on the exclamation point because ... and I quote "The exclamation point is there to show a weird emotion because it is weird for a dog to marry a ball."

On that note ... good night and sweet dreams of a chartreuse ba-dog!

It can bark and bounce and fetch itself.

Flashback Friday

What a week it has been!! But now it's time to focus on craziness from the past rather than current craziness. So I present to you .... drum roll please ... FLASHBACK FRIDAY! Shocking right?!

Today's little gem was inspired by one of my lessons/activities. As we are all aware Thanksgiving is just around the corner. When it comes to Thanksgiving in First Grade, food is always the most commonly known fact amongst the wee ones. So to help round them out, we talk a lot about Indians and Pilgrims. Just like this past week, we were discussing Indians/Native Americans. We watched a nice little video, talked about their heritage, and then we started a color poem. The students write a simple poem using a color, something from nature, and describing words. All the makings of a good time! After the poem is written, they get to color a Native American pot to go with the poem.

We had reached the pot coloring portion of our expedition on a brisk November afternoon. Things were going decently well and I had stopped to help a student out. Within moments, I heard some chaos a brewin'. I turn around to see what is happening and to my bewilderment the following situation was occurring.

One student is running circles around the room yelling "Where's my pot? Where's my pot?" while another student is waving his rump in the air screaming "Stop touching my buns!!" and then slapping his own bottom.

Now this wouldn't have been so bad except for the fact that sitting directly behind the buns boy was the principal ... completing an observation. Based on that observation alone one would assume that within the walls of my closet ... er .. classroom we sell (and maybe do) drugs and harass each other. Which for the record neither happen.

I am thankful to report that this year's pot activity was far less "illegal" and much more sane!

The Anthill Phenomenon

Have you ever noticed how a perfectly flowing stream of ants can instantly turn chaotic if just a single grain of sand interrupts their path? In my mind I would think "Eh - a grain of sand. Go around it and all will be well." But ants don't think that way. They just begin running amuck as if the world has come to a screeching halt! Kids are freakishly similar to ants. They are small, all over the place, eating my snacks, and I'm pretty sure some of them have exoskeletons. Outside of those striking similarities, kids are very set in their routine and will erupt into chaos if anything breaks their routine. Lets just say that today a grain of MOUNTAIN broke their routine.

I walked into work all excited that the clocks were fixed (which meant the bells were back to ringing at the regularly scheduled times). For once, I was ENTIRELY prepared for my day (copies, centers, lesson plans, etc - the whole 9 yards). I remembered to pack a lunch so I didn't have to eat school lunch for the 10th day in a row. Then just a hair before 10:50 the fire drill startles the crud out of me. In a well-rehearsed manner my students and I exit the building. We are outside until 11:25. Thirty-five minutes isn't too bad except for the fact that it was half my prep and it threw the lunch schedule off by an hour and my kids took it as sign of sweet freedom. In their minds it was a party for the rest of the day. My little ants that once walked in such an orderly fashion are now cartwheeling and roundhouse kicking down the hall.

When 12:00 rolled around - our normal lunch time - the complaints came pouring in. "I'm hungry!", "My stomach hurts!", "When can we go to recess?", "Are we going to eat today?". Thank heavens I had a cereal stash. I divided and passed out the rations and took my one moment of peace for the day. We finally made it to lunch at 12:45 ... which turned out to be outside dining only adding to the chaos of the day.

Right when I thought there cannot be any more surprises the destroy this day the SKITTLE FIASCO reared its ugly head.

Since I wasn't going to be able to teach them anything the last 20 minutes of the day I opted for a much needed desk clean out. Reward for properly cleaning out a desk - ONE SKITTLE! Might as well be a million bucks. I set one girl's Skittle on her desk and within seconds it was GONE. MISSING..... dare I say it ............................. STOLEN! After dramatically rolling the bag closed and shoving it back on the shelf I declared that not another single Skittle will be seen in the classroom unless the culprit turned themselves in. FINALLY the little klepto confessed and I shipped their tushies home for a 4-day, stress-free (hopefully), No Child Left Behind (haha - I'm so funny) weekend.

Here's to next week ... a better grouping of days then this week!"

Imperfect Timing

Raise your hand if you remember reading a sign posted above, below, or somewhere around the clock in one of your high school classrooms that read

I believe that was meant to encourage us to watch the teacher not the clock. Plant that seed of how continually watching the hands tick by will in no way attribute to our success. I'd place that same sign in my classroom but they can't tell time so they don't even look at the clock. Instead I hear "What time is it?", "Is it time for lunch yet?", "Is it time to go home?" ALL .... DAY .... LONG!. That and they probably wouldn't get it anyways.

Now that you are this far into my web of awesomeness, there really is no "student" story of the day. Rather just an inhumane by-product of the conclusion of Daylight Saving Time (which is cruel and unusual all on its own). As most of you know - or at least figured out - Daylight Savings Time is now over. Which means brighter mornings, darker nights, and earlier muggings. So, logically you would think that in a school that bases everything on time (with bells indicating specific times) that the clocks would have been top priority for change over the weekend.

Ah - never let logic get in the way of a school. No, No! For the last TWO days - count them ... ONE ... TWO ... - the clocks have been anything but correct.

Do you see the difference? 6:07 at school .... 4:07 EVERYWHERE ELSE!

I know what you're thinking - It can't be that bad. OK - YOU try convincing 19 children that you have spent that last 3 months training that when a certain bell rings it means clean up that THIS time it does not! OR that even though the bell didn't ring it really is time to go ... like bye-bye!

The one bonus is that luckily for me, I never read the hour hand. I only utilize the minute hand in my room. I know that when the big hand is on the 9 I need to get my kids. When it is on the 11 it's lunch time. When its on the 6 its time to clean up. I think you get the idea. One time another teacher came in and asked when my prep was over. My response - on the 10. Sad - maybe. Incredibly efficient - most definitely.

However, that amazing skill of mine does not deter from the fact that the screwy clocks are lapping up what little sanity I have left. This would not be a problem if we just joined Arizona in their genius of not trying to save daylight. Really - what are we trying to save it for anyways?

Flashback Friday

Sadly - I just realized it was Friday and of course had to post ASAP! But in my defense it has been one of THOSE weeks. If it weren't Friday, I would most definitely be checking into mental hospital. Before the flashback begins can I just say that NO teacher should ever have to deal with 19 six-year olds coming down off of a sugar high. It's just trouble waiting to happen.

No so very happy anymore!!

I recently read somewhere that it was proposed that Halloween be changed to the last Saturday of October. My initial thought was NO WAY! The 31st is and shall forever be Halloween. Then Halloween happened and I spent a week dealing with agony of candy withdrawals. I am pretty sure I suffered far more then they did. Kids were coming in with BlowPops for breakfast, licorice for lunch, and I wouldn't be surprised if they ate Snickers for supper. At first, they were so hopped up on glucose I believe they were comatose. That did not last long enough. It was so bad I had a student laughing when he took a BAD day card home. That is a tell-tale sign of substance (in this case sugar) abuse right there! So what I am trying to say is GET ME A PEN - I will sign the crap out of any petition that is PRO Halloween on a Saturday ... I'll even settle for Friday.

Thank you for staying with me on that one. Now strap on your safety belt because this Delorean

is about to travel back in time! The year - 2009. Isn't time travel just great! So it didn't travel back that far but none the less back it did go. I figured since I am pretty much DONE with this week and beyond ready for a break that this little quote would sum it all up!

For those that do not teach, it is just known that it is far easier to teach sick than it is to prepare for a sub. That was just what I did. Hence ...

Student: What's wrong?

Me: I'm sick.

Student: Are you sick of us?

Right now - yes, yes I am! Please use this weekend to rid your tiny, frail little body of all the sugary toxins and let me have my sanity back!

Save the Drama for your Mama

Kids never cease to amaze me. Right when I think that my students are the most self-centered little people on the planet they prove me wrong while simultaneously proving me right.

Yesterday, one of my students discovered that her "bugs" were missing (bugs are a part of a token system in my classroom). She began her freak out phase ... a phase that I unfortunately deal with on a day to day basis. "MY BUGS ARE GONE!!! Now I have to start all over! Why are my bugs gone??!!" Crying ... Arms Flailing ... A little over dramatic - perhaps. I tried calming her down and explained - in a loud enough voice for all the other students to hear - that if someone stole it hopefully they will make a good choice and return the bugs and apologize.

Moments after my amazing child whisperer skills and the beginning of my super sleuthing "who-stole-the-bugs" skills a nearby student walked over and set one of his hard-earned bugs on the drama queen's desk. Awww right? As I am witnessing such a tender moment and thinking wow - what a kid! I hear ... "One?! That's it? UNO!!! UNO!!!" and she proceeds to throw it on the floor exclaiming how her life is over. Again ... maybe just slightly over dramatic.

Still thinking wow - what a kid! but in a completely different way I praise the giving child for making such a great choice to share his bug but he can keep it. Next thing I know, multiple students came up and set 2 or 3 of their bugs on DQ's desk.

In the same moment that I was overwhelmed by their selflessness I was also shocked at the lack of gratitude. I had to coerce DQ into thanking all her fellow classmates for giving up their bugs.

Children ... unpredictable in the seemingly most predictable ways.

Now if only I can get them to share some following direction abilities and listening skills to help me out in class.

Flashback Friday

I decided that although many wonderful and must-be-told tales arise from the marker-fumed haze of my classroom there are some delightful moments that just deserve to be shared again. Hence the title Flashback Friday. I mostly picked Friday because it was the only day of the week that provided the much needed alliteration for such an awesome trip back through time.

I would like to point out that I DO KNOW that today is Thursday ... but not for long. Unless you are a night owl and your life is so boring you are stalking ME right now then it will be Friday by the time you read this (or later ...).

This shnazzy (I see you red squiggle but this is a word ... I used it in my youth) little gem dates back to my first year in the trenches ... I mean classroom ... no, I mean the trenches. I was teaching writing and had started a quick mini lesson on what to do if we cannot spell a word. Believe it or not I would have kids break down in tears if they could not spell a word on their own. TEARS!! You can't tie your own shoes or button your own pants and spelling is your biggest concern?! But alas my constant pleas to sound it out and do their best were a failure. So in this lesson, that I so thoughtfully prepared, I modeled what to do when coming across a dreaded unknown word. Here's how it panned out -

As I was writing a sentence I stopped and pretended not know how to spell a word.

Me: "Oh no! I don't know how to spell this word."

Student: "WHAT?! You a grown woman."

First off - thank you for noticing. Second - maybe I should have started looking into acting as a career. I mean I did just convince a 6 year-old that I couldn't spell. That's rare talent right there. A diamond in the rough!

Future Dermatologist??

Ah - the first story. There will never be another like it .... Really there won't be. I have yet to experience the same event twice in the classroom. Although that does not stop me from pondering ways to better react to the situation. You know like those "Pick Your Own Ending" books. Problem is ... I don't think this book has an end. I'm living my very own NeverEnding Story (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088323/) minus the creepy yet cuddly dog/dragon.

Right - story time.

Once a month my school counselor comes in and teaches guidance lessons to the kiddos. This particular lesson was about using nice words and not making people feel bad. He started the lesson by displaying a big smiley happy face (named Mr. Smiley oddly enough). He explained that Mr. Smiley was very happy but when people say mean things it hurts him on the inside. He had the kids say mean things to Mr. Smiley and as they did he crumpled the paper up. Then he explained that saying nice things helps Mr. Smiley feel better. The kids proceeded to say nice things to Mr. Smiley as the counselor uncrumpled (yup - just made up a word) the paper. He further explained that Mr. Smiley felt better but wasn't the same. One student commented that he was no longer smooth. Trying to incorporate the word smooth into the lesson the following situation occurred:

Counselor: What can we do to make people feel smooth?

Student: LOTION!!

After a moment of great laughter from all the counselor rephrased his question to "What can we do to make people feel smooth on the inside?"

Just another day in paradise!

Never thought I would join the blogging world. Also never thought I would become a teacher. Nevertheless - here I am .... blogging about teaching.

My whole life I wanted to become a veterinarian but I figured teaching was pretty close (and it required WAY less science classes). Really the only differences are that my "patients" can talk and I get paid far less. The bonus of teaching though is that I encounter situations that I could NEVER fabricate even in my wildest dreams. J.K Rowling would kill for story starters from my room. Often times I find myself saying "Really? That just happened!?" or thinking "Why did I spend five years obtaining a degree to work with small, wild, children?".

However the FACT is that every day I wake up I choose to go teach boogery, needy, unpredictable yet absolutely adorable kiddos instead of selling oranges off the freeway off ramps. And with that choice comes quotes and stories a plenty.