Total Recall ... or lack thereof

Wow ... I hadn't realized how much time had passed since the last post. I guess things got a little crazy ... hmmm. Oh well. Now is as good a time as any to get caught up.

Apparently the last big shebang that occurred was the debate over why Hello Kitty lacked a mouth (which I must say has become a silence breaker for me in recent awkward moments). Now that Summer vacation in 4 weeks in it is a bit rough to remember some of the "good times" that have taken place. So this post will be a pathetic attempt to recall yet another school year that has come and gone.

Ok ... after several minutes of deep contemplation I can't seem to remember much from the months of February, March, April, or May. But following are a few moments that come to mind that either made me chuckle, made me insane, or made me question my career (most of the time it's all three).

Moment 1: I had a little girl who would constantly make sure she was sitting right by my feet during carpet time. Why? So she could rub the tops of my feet. Disturbing? YES!! I tried the tender approach of asking her multiple times to stop. When she didn't, I moved her as far away as possible. But, like the cat who came back (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=th_KV1XVYFU .... check this out if you didn't catch my reference), she ALWAYS found her way back to my feet and would rub them. Truly one can only handle that so much before they lose it!! So I snapped on her and asked why she continues to rub my feet after I have asked her to stop. She just stared back and me and said "It's my hobby!" ... wonderful. I mean I guess she's thinking outside of the box.

Moment 2: Speaking of boxes that brings me to this next gem. Towards the end of the year I always do a writing/science piece based around rocks. Each student is given a rock (yes a real one BUT with each rock comes great responsibility). They are to name the rock and write a story about their pet rock using what they learned during science, their 5 senses (minus tasting ... so 4 senses), and any thing else that is pertinent to the topic. The kiddos really get into rocks after this activity (which is why I ONLY do it at the end of the year). They bring me rocks on a daily basis and love adding to the collection. Well a few boys took it to a whole new level. I go to pick up my kids at from P.E. The teacher asks me to come see what he found. Looking at the group of boys at the end I knew it could be ANYTHING ... ANYTHING! They are known for their unique abilities to accomplish the unthinkable. The P.E. teacher asks the boys to empty their pockets. They stare at him but do nothing. He says "NOW!" so they start pulling handfuls of rocks from their pockets. They practically had a rock quarry at their feet!! When I asked them why they told me they thought the rocks were cool and wanted to add them to the collection. For the remainder of the year I had to perform a daily rock pocket check before entering the building.

Moment 3: If there's one thing I can't handle in the classroom it's throw up. I stress all stinkin year that if you think you are going to throw up just GO TO THE TRASH CAN. You don't have to ask or anything. But how does they year always go. Don't ask for anything EXCEPT for where to go when you need to throw up. So one day I had a kid who was looking a little pale and kept complaining about his tummy. I sent him to the nurse but he returned about a half hour later. He still looked awful! I asked if he was going home and he said the nurse told him he needed to go back to class but that he still felt like he needed to throw up. I told him to go sit by the trash and take it easy. As he turns to head to the trash can it just all came out!! Everything he ate for breakfast (you know dairy products, cheese, cereal ... everything). It was all over the door and walkway (mind you the only entrance and exit to my humble little abode), a few backpacks, the chair next to the trash can BUT not a drop in the trash can. Of course I need to send him back out threw it which then makes all the kids start to scream and make fake vomit noises. All of this just minutes before it was time to leave for specials. So I had to orchestrate an escape route through the vomit. I pretty sure I would qualify for some sort of military route diversion team after that!!

Well that's all for now ... it is summer break after all :)

I'll pick up the blog again when the 2012-2013 school year begins!!

Hello Kitty and Whoppi

If you don't know who this bow-adorned feline is then you clearly have not been in my classroom. There are days that I feel like if I see another Hello Kitty t-shirt, necklace, stencil, pencil, keychain, lunchbox, figure, or the like I'll slit my wrists with a Hello Kitty ruler (mostly because it would be the sharpest thing I could find in my room). Yeah - she's cute and I'm sure totally cuddly but not really my thing. With that said, I have never paid close attention to the details of this cat. Today, it was brought to my attention that she has no mouth. One would think that the mouth is a pretty key feature to the face how could I have not noticed before. I think it's kind of like the fact that Whoppi Goldberg has no eyebrows.

If you didn't notice before you will now EVERY time you see her. It's just one of those things you would think you would notice but don't. Well let me tell you how I learned about the missing Hello Kitty mouth. This is a true story. Like I said before, I just can't make this stuff up. So I'm testing and the kiddos are enjoying free friday activities. One student is using a Hello Kitty stencil to clone this cat about 50 times over.

Kid#1: Hey - why doesn't Hello Kitty have a mouth? (a question we now all want to know the answer to)

Kid#2: Because it wasn't on the stencil. (Their logic blows my mind)

Kid#1: Well how can she meow? (Another excellent question)

Kid#3: It's a girl .... and a cat. (That answers it ... ???)

Kid#1: What? Cats meow. That doesn't make sense. I asked why she didn't have a mouth.

Kid#3: She had cancer.

Kid#2: No she didn't.

Kid#1: How does that mean she doesn't have a mouth.

Kid#3: It was mouth cancer. When the doctors took away the cancer they took away her mouth.

Kid#1: That's dumb!

Kids ... the very foundation of my daily entertainment!!

More stories to come .... time to start my weekend!

Curse the Smart Phone

I am one of very few who have not fallen victim to the smart phone hype. There are two reasons. One - I don't want to pay for a data plan (I don't have THAT many people to communicate with). Two - I don't need a device that is smarter than I am ... I have friends for that.

Well I now have a third reason to hate smart phones.

I'm working with a small group of students reviewing word families. I gave them their word family -ap and had them write as many words as they could that belong to that family. For those of you unfamiliar with my tricky teacher lingo a word family is basically a groups of words that end with the same sound and spelling. For example the -ip family would include (but is not limited to) tip, chip, whip, lip, drip. Or the -et family would include pet, wet, vet, set, let, etc. Now that we are all on the same page, I am sure you are expecting words such as lap, tap, clap, map, rap, etc. to be inducted into the -ap family.

Teacher Lesson Number 1: Always expect the unexpected and never underestimate the thought process of a 6 year old.

With that being said one student share this word gpsap. Yes - she clearly displayed her ability to add -ap to the end to make it a part of the family. I explain that gpsap is not a real word but I was glad she could apply the word family rule. To my surprise I hear "It is word - hello!" The following took place.

Me: No - gpsap is just letters with ap at the end.

Kid: No - it's a real thing.

Me: Ok. Can you explain to me what it is?

Kid: Yeah - you can get one on your phone and it tells you where to go.

Touche. How can you argue with that logic? A GPS app .. for a stupid smart phone. They are now infiltrating my teaching arena!!

Sanity Breaking Point

I have spent the last three weeks contemplating jobs that do not require me to think, only take a few hours each day, and are in not way related to children.

Coming back from winter break is always a little something special. You know that classic line from "It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas"? C'mon - you know when the lyrics whisper the magical words "And Mom and Dad can hardly wait for school to start again" ... there's a reason they can't wait. However, I could wait all year for their return (longer if I had to). Why you ask. Well let's think this through - like an experiment of sorts.

Take 20 six year olds who have been excited about EVERY holiday since October 1st when they realized Halloween was around the corner, give them 2 weeks off without your constant teachery supervision, have them receive gifts and candy within that 2 week period, THEN ask them to return to a candy free, routine stricken, toyless world where they are expected to return to their pre-break habits.

Catchin' my anti-excitement for student return? GOOD! For added pleasure, when they came back, we jumped right into testing. So for 3 weeks now, our routine has gone down the proverbial crapper and in their tiny little brains testing season means P-A-R-T-Y!

But between the return and my current new career day dreams there have been MANY stellar quotes. Most of which deserve their very own personalized post ... which shall be granted. But for those quotes that, like the cheese, stand alone, I will add to this post.

"Ms. D - if I put this brownie in my pants can I keep it?" ... wondering if they can take their brownie from lunch.

Kid coloring a spork with a black marker.

Me: What are you doing?

Kid: (Looking around the room) Umm ... making batman.

Talking with a student at lunch about her brother that also attends the school

Me: How's your brother doing?

Kid: Which one? The tall one, the skinny one, or the old one?

Me: Umm ... the one in 4th grade

"Ms. D - Why are your toes so big and fat?" ... excellent question!